Photo credit: Jessica Jiamin Lang Photography.
Editor’s note: A few weeks ago, Ryan Sparks tasked FBI staff with crafting an MLQ Preview wherein each team could only be described in approximately three words. We decided to make it a little more interesting by allowing each interested staff member a shot at contributing on each team so long as they restricted themselves to the word limit.
Also: “Jefferson Steelflex” is the chosen pseudonym for this article for new staff writer “Chester Steakknife”—which is, yes, also a pseudonym. Enjoy that hot ball of confusion.
East Division
Boston Night Riders
Ryan Sparks: QCB or nah?
Ryan Smythe: You mad, bruh?
Bruce Donnelly: No more tyranny.
Mitch Hatfield: Who are they?
New York Titans
Sparks: Really missing Augie.
Smythe: Also missing Leeanne.
Donnelly: Zagey caught it.
Hatfield: Who are they?
Ottawa Black Bears
Oops.
Washington Admirals
Sparks: Wifey’s team. ❤
Smythe: Bad for parties.
Donnelly: #Bernie2016.
Hatfield: Not Washington state.
North Division
Cleveland Riff
Sparks: Read: Cleveland Browns.
Smythe: Someone call LeBron.
Donnelly: Suburb of Pittsburgh.
Hatfield: …who?
Detroit Innovators
Sparks: SO MANY INJURIES.
Smythe: Can anyone walk?
Donnelly: Needed Andrew Axtell.
Hatfield: Who are they?
Indianapolis Intensity
Sparks: BLAKE THE SNAKE.
Smythe: Too much orange.
Donnelly: Smythe is wrong.
Jefferson Steelflex: I like orange.
Rochester Whiteout
Brb.
South Division
Austin Outlaws
Sparks: YEE
Steelflex: Obvious championship run.
Smythe: Kedzie motherfucking Teller.
Donnelly: Beat Boston, please.
Hatfield: Go Outlaws, go!
Kansas City Stampede
Sparks: Who needs Keir?
Smythe: Almost beat Austin.
Donnelly: Slow balling sucks.
League City Legends
Steelflex: WHERE’S LEAGUE CITY???
Sparks: IT’S BY HOUSTON.
Smythe: Doesn’t actually exist.
Donnelly: S’actually from Pokémon.
Hatfield: Not in Washington.
New Orleans Curse
Donnelly: Total underachiever.
Sparks: Best socks.
Steelflex: I want socks.
Smythe: Just the socks.
Hatfield: Something about socks?
West Division
Los Angeles Guardians
Sparks: Stole KU’s jerseys.
Smythe: Ready to upset.
Donnelly: Third place.
Steelflex: Probable championship run.
Hatfield: Go Guardians, go!
Phoenix Sol
Sparks: More like “lol.”
Steelflex: Shit Outta Players.
Smythe: *thunderclap* IT’S ALIVE.
Donnelly: Who dis?
Hatfield: Seriously, who dis?
Salt Lake City Hive
Sparks: #HypeTheHive
Smythe: Sexiest seeker duo.
Steelflex: Bees?
Donnelly: NOT THE BEES.
Hatfield: I KNOW THEM!!!
San Francisco Argonauts
Sparks: Lucky Phoenix exists.
Steelflex: Wasted possible potential.
Smythe: Just you wait.
Donnelly: A huge disappointment.
FBI 