MLQ Preview: The Division Kedzie Plays In

by Bruce Donnelly

In addition to the two divisions from last season, the powers that be have decided, in their infinite wisdom, to add two additional, highly competitive divisions to this MLQ season.

I have no doubt that the South Division, for sure, will provide us with close, gripping games; there’s no way it would present us with utterly embarrassing blowouts. Oh, absolutely not. The teams are just far too evenly matched for that.

Austin Outlaws
– Projected record: Kedzie Teller is a gift to us all

Austin, Texas is a hotbed of quidditch. Prior to QC Boston’s victory this past season, the University of Texas had won three consecutive National Championships. Including alternates, Team USA features eight players who spent the 2015-16 USQ season on Austin-based teams—seven of whom are on this Outlaws team.

Since this city is so important to the sport of quidditch, it’s understandable that it had to have a team in the MLQ.

Covering the team in this great city, though, can get out of hand, so I’ve decided to compartmentalize and ensure things are handled briefly and concisely. I’m going to take the logical route and highlight, with the help of some friends, one of their best players: Boston-born, Texas transplant Kedzie Teller.

Ryan Sparks: Being a big name in quidditch isn’t necessarily a good thing, but with Kedzie, his name became huge for very good reasons…He’s one of a few people in this sport that I can genuinely say I look at as a role model.”

Karissa Kirsch: “I think the advocacy work he does is rad.”

Alex Scheer: “Personally, I love the guy…He has a great personality. Funny as hell, and extremely real with people.”

Ryan Sebade: “Uuhhh, I don’t really know him or have much of an opinion on him. The Athlete Ally thing is pretty cool, but that’s literally the only thing I know about him.”

Most importantly. This gem exists:

You’re all welcome. Seriously.

Oh, and as for the quidditch part of the MLQ team in Austin. Obviously, the Outlaws will win this division with relative ease.

New Orleans Curse
– Projected record: Tiddly won’t be the actual worst

Despite all appearances, I really am here to do some coverage. I guess.

I am expecting a spectacular(ly drunk) season out of the New Orleans team. It’s built from the mold of the Gulf Coast Gumbeaux community team that made it to the brackets of US Quidditch Cup 9 in its first season as a team, so it shouldn’t be entirely without merit, despite being from, y’know, New Orleans.

More importantly, though, this is a very good looking team. Yum. Tad, I’m gonna have some beads ready for you. 😉

Kansas City Stampede
– Projected record: less than 100 quaffle points per game

My girlfriend says that Kansas City will finish second in the division. I’ve seen a lot of good from the Kansas Quidditch team, and in Kansas City’s first series against Austin, just not a lot of offense.

While I’ve bet against Kansas City to outperform New Orleans, and expect Tiddly to get that job done for me, I can see it improving exponentially throughout the season.

The Stampede can be expected to beat very well and dictate the pace of the game by walking up the field as slowly as the rules of both the game and time and space will legally allow.

Also, the city this team hails from makes absolutely no sense to me. Is it Kansas City, Kansas or Kansas City, Missouri? Why is there a Kansas City in Missouri, when there’s already one in Kansas? Is there a Missouri City anywhere in Kansas? It’s a never-ending conundrum that could easily be solved if I weren’t too lazy to Google it.

League City Legends
– Projected record: Brock will hit on Nurse Joy again

I’m very proud that I remembered the “Legends” name of this team. I keep forgetting that League City is a real place and am constantly terribly paranoid that I’ll also forget the team’s name.

League City in and of itself doesn’t sound like a real place. It’s weirdly reminiscent of a city in like, I don’t know, a knock-off video game where you portray a character no one expects to be successful or talented. Hey, maybe you’re named Alex. Maybe you travel from a boring Midwest-style city in the hopes of ~being the very best~ by training a team of six others. Along the way, maybe you travel through metropolis after metropolis, where you meet several people who try to coach you and help you improve. In the end, your team gets better and wins for you every once in awhile, but you’re still basically a dork.

Anyway, looks like League City IS a real place. It DOES have a quidditch team in the MLQ. The team WILL have beaters, chasers, keepers, and seekers. Those players ARE going to try very hard to win games. S’all I got.

Oh, and the team is called the Legends. Gotta file that away for later.

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